In my last post I expressed fear of being alone and of loneliness. Since that entry I have shifted once again. My Self, I have come to discover, is wondrous company. I choose, now, to be my own best friend, rather than my own worst enemy. And, though it may sound cliche, I know I'm never really alone. The thrust, the longing of my light to shine, is real. I long to open to my true nature. I understand that before arriving on Earth in human form I wrote a sacred contract about certain lessons I'm to learn in order to evolve spiritually and I have chosen to be exactly where I am. I've spoken before about my absolute trust in the synchronic order and the guidance of the Universe and I have come to accept this period of solitude as a gift to myself. That's right. A gift.
This time of alone-ness has been fruitful. I am moving into a place of authenticity that I was unable to find as a dyad. I've come back to vegetarianism. Dance and yoga and meditation are a part of my day to day life. This will not be an authentic lifestyle for everyone. But I am remembering, aligning with and living my beliefs, ideals and truths. I'm working everyday towards marriage between my self and my Self. I am able to focus on my inner soul in a way that was unavailable to me when I was with Brian. The time I have for reflection and reprogramming is limitless because I am no longer responsible for another's feelings. Of course I care about Brian's feelings; this isn't about being heartless. After all, we are unified by our Oneness. Rather this is about sovereignty and being guided by Heart. It is about non-dependency. It's about becoming whole.
I don't believe I'll be single always, but I do believe that there's a very Light reason that I'm single NOW. I embrace this period of sovereign solitude. Whatever happens in the future, I am thankful for this insight into co-dependency versus non-dependent sovereignty. I cherish my autonomy and simultaneously respect the interconnectedness we all share as spiritual beings. I am on the cusp of a great transition, a magical discovery, a rite of passage! I give great Love and Gratitude for this place and this knowing.